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The bell finally rang.  Summer.  Everyone else rushed out of the room as fast as they could, leaving me to take my time.  For everyone else, summer meant trips to the beach, time with friends, all of the troubles and toils of school gone.  Not for me.  I was being shipped from my home, Silverburg New Jersey, just outside my beloved NYC, forced to leave behind my heart and soul while my parents kidnap me and take me to Tennessee.

I guess I should start from the beginning.  It started with Jason, my ex.  My story began a few months ago, in April.  I really don’t want to relive the experience, it’s something I’d much rather keep quiet.  We had been dating for about a year, and I totally trusted him with everything.  I never expected he could ever betray me like he did.  I don’t know how he could have completely deceived me, who did the jerk take me for?

The whole ordeal upset me a little, okay a lot.  I began to mope around at home, which drove my parents and little sister, Kayla, completely nuts.  First thing my parents have ever noticed.  They live in a three-person marriage: with each other and their law firm, Selben and Selben.  Kayla, unlike my parents, seems to notice everything.  She’s only thirteen, but she has this incredible ability to sense when something’s wrong.  There’s nothing I’m able to keep from her.

While I was still lost in my thoughts, Ally and Ellen, my two best friends, ran up behind me, nearly scaring me to death.  I’ve been a bit jumpy lately.  Ally spoke up first, “So how do you think you did on that history exam?  It was a killer, eh?”   Ellen, who we call Elle interjected before I could speak, “Oh come on it wasn’t bad.  Maybe if you had actually studied you wouldn’t have had to worry about it.”

“You know I had dance last night.”

“What kind of excuse is that?  We got out at one yesterday.  Maybe next time you should study before dance.”

Ally is the dancer.  She pours every piece of her soul into it, at the expense of her grades.  She is also a talker and can talk her way from D’s to B’s within five minutes.  Her smooth talking also ensures that she always had a gorgeous boyfriend to match her looks: Tall, blonde, and dangerous.

“Nice try.  Not gonna happen though.  So how do you think you did, Rose?”

Augh.  Anything but history.  If I failed anything, that would be it.  I am a singer, a songwriter, a guitarist, with the requirement to lock myself inside the persona of the Selben line of attorneys.  I am an artist who was been laden with the burden of being the captain of Eastman Cross Preparatory High School’s mock trial team.  People would kill for the position that I’d trade in a heartbeat for the spot as the school’s coffeehouse manager.  The coffeehouse is the school’s sole showcase of artistic talent.  My ancestry comes with more curses than blessings.  “You guys know I can’t memorize anything.  If there’s no give or take, I fail.  You should see the stack of flash cards I made for the test.  I swear I went through them fifteen times and I still failed.”

“Oh you did not fail Rose,” Ally started, “You always do well on exams.”

“Funny.  Every time you say that, I fail.  You really need to stop cursing me.”

“Oh come on.  That’s not true.”

“Remember those Rome quizzes?  The four I failed?  You told me I’d do fine.”

“Well… That’s in the past now right?  We just have an awesome summer to look forward to, right?  Even if we don’t get to spend it together?”

“Yeah,” I forced a smile.  My summer would be anything but fun, great, any positive adjective.

Elle started again, “Well as much as I want to go to the environmental engineering school in Alabama, I wish I could be with you guys.”  Elle is a prodigy.  She is also Asian, which partially explains it.  She would be spending a month doing environmental research for college credit.  I’m sure she already got straight fives on her four AP exams, which could add up to fifteen hours of college credit before she would even start senior year.

Ally started again, “And looks like I’m the only one who’ll be here the whole summer, but I have nothing against teaching dance to the little kids, plus I get paid for it.  And Rose, aren’t you at least a little excited to be going south?  A whole new place, some cute guys maybe?”

“Oh, please, meeting guys is the last thing I want to do.  Looks like my days are going to be filled with guitar, and talking to you guys all day.  Every day.  The whole summer.  Nothing new.  So you’d better be there when I call.  Or I’ll go insane.”

Speaking of calls, Ally’s phone went off.  Her mom, of course, “Yeah we’ll be there in a moment, mom…  No I don’t need to go check my locker, I got everything out yesterday…  Okay, okay we’re coming,” She put her phone back in her pocket, “Looks like we have to go already.  Mom doesn’t want to leave my brother home alone long.  Ugh, why can’t she just make him come.  She’s so OCD about that kind of thing. We’d better get going.”  Being a prodigy, Elle had skipped fourth grade and wouldn’t turn sixteen until the end of the summer.  She could more than afford a car, but couldn’t drive yet.  Normally, Ally drives Elle home, but Ally’s parents took her car because she broke curfew last Saturday. By four hours.  Then they both smothered me in a huge hug, and Ally started, “I’ll miss you so much.”

“I can’t believe we won’t see you all summer.”

“You have to call us.  Every day.  Or text.  Anything.”

“Just keep in touch.”

“Well you guys still need to have fun without me.”

A tear came to Ally’s eye, did I mention she was dramatic? “Nothing will be fun without you.”

“Don’t say that!  You’ll still have a good summer.  You can still call me whenever you want.  I have plenty of time, don’t worry about that!”  I gently pried my two best friends off of me, “Seriously, you guys had better get going before you get in trouble.  I really don’t want that to happen again.”

“Oh god, Ellen said, “Don’t remind me of that,” Elle’s mom honked her horn. “Okay, we’d better go.  I’ll miss you so much. Bye Rose!”

A chorus of goodbyes and well-wishing followed them as the two made their way toward the SUV, where Mrs. Elle’s mom was waiting with an impatient expression in her sleek black Escalade.  But I wasn’t going to go home yet, not without finding Jake first.  He was my best guy friend, and he stuck with me as much as Ally and Elle.  Neither of us ever thought of dating; we didn’t want anything to screw up our friendship in the three years we knew each other since the beginning of high school.  Jake Carson was my only friend who knew anything about guitar, or rather, music in its entirety.  Elle and Ally are great, but they would never understand the moment of horror when a shoulder strap slips off an acoustic.  Thank God, my prized acoustic had escaped, miraculously, with only a small dent on the bottom.

I couldn’t find him anywhere in the junior hallway or outside, so I walked down to the band room, and sure enough, there he was retrieving his saxophone.  He spotted me first, “Hey Rose, excited for summer?”

“Why do you even have to ask,” I rethought the response to sound less harsh, “Well, Tennessee should be interesting.”

“Better than sticking around here all summer.”

“I really don’t understand how you find Silverburg boring.”

“It’s just too perfect.  Nothing ever happens.  It’s always the same stuff all the time.  I wish I could be going somewhere else for the entire summer. I want to travel.”

“Trust me, you don’t want to go.  Although if it made you happy, I wish you could go instead of me, but either way, we won’t get to see each other at all.  So are you doing anything interesting this vacation?”

“Nothing new, just working down at Strum and Pick like last year.” Strum and Pick was the local guitar shop, and Jake was always able to get me a discount whenever I needed anything. “You won’t have much of a problem finding a guitar shop down South I don’t think.  Banjo and bass shop, anyway.  And by bass I mean standard.”

“Oh shut up.  You’re not making me feel better.”

“Seriously, don’t worry.  There has to be some place that has strings.  But just in case, bring an extra set.”

“Don’t worry I will.”

“Just drop in the shop before you go and I’ll sneak you a set or two.”

“You do that.”

He smiled and walked over and hugged me, “I’d better get going,” he said, “I’ve got to teach a lesson at two.  So I’ll see you at the shop tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” I said, still hugging him, “Jake I’m gonna miss you so much.”

He released me.

“Well if you have a new song you can always call.  I’d love to hear anything you come up with.”

“And the same for you.  Don’t forget to drop by and get those strings.”

“Don’t worry I won’t.”

“See you around then, Rose, Bye!”

“Bye Jake.  Later!”

Jake walked out of the band room to his car, and I headed toward my Mustang on the other side of the school.  I really wanted a used car, something from the 90s or so, but no, my parents had insisted on a new one.  It really made me wonder if they really had nothing to spend money on, or it was just their guiltiness for never being able to spend any time with me.

I started my car’s engine and pulled out.  Tomorrow Kayla would be leaving for a horse camp in Vermont for eight weeks.  Rather, it was more of a boot camp to prepare her for the winter circuit in January in Florida. The parents really wanted us gone for a while, and it’s a miracle we weren’t shipped off to boarding school during the year.  I had just three precious days left in Silverburg until Monday’s flight of doom to Nashville, and from there a drive to Middleton.  More like Middle of Nowhere.

Tennessee: The Intro

The title isn’t set in stone, but I’m using it for now.

What is Tennessee? It’s a novel about a seventeen year old girl named Rose Selben and her quest for happiness. Rose is shipped by her parents to a small town called Middletown in west Tennessee get some fresh air from her hectic life in Silverburg, New Jersey, and care for her elderly grandparents. She is forced to leave her friends and has no intention of making new ones. However, as fate would have it, she runs into (literally) a few characters that greatly change her drab outlook on life.

If you’re looking for action packed sci-fi or intellectual literature, continue your search. Do not stop here. If you’re looking for a beach book without a lot of substance and a touch of guitar playing and high-school self discovery, keep reading.

In the coming weeks, I’ll post bits and pieces of it about once a week as I edit/write more of them. I’ll start a page on the blog with links to each piece for an easy reading experience.

Coming soon to Frei For All: Chapter 1- Part One

-The writing of a sincere thank you note is a great skill to teach children, and can get them into the habit of saying thank you. Who knows – maybe you’ll receive a note from them thanking you for being a great parent!

-Don’t limit yourself to formal thank you notes. Show your appreciation to loved ones, friends and co-workers. Consider a quick Thanks! on a Post-it note and leave it on the fridge for your husband or wife, in your child’s lunch box, or on your boss’, secretary’s or co-worker’s desk.

-As an absolute, absolute last resort for thanking someone (say someone you met while overseas on a business trip) for whom the only contact detail you have is an email address, then send them a thank you by email following a similar format for the hand-written note.

—-eHow.com

It’s that time of year! The weeks following Christmas. And with them, the plague known as the “thank you note”. Those horrible little cookie-cutter cards with the same format:

Dear [name],
thank you for [gift]. I will [insert crap here about how you'll use it and love it even though you didn't even really want it in the first place].
Love, [your name].

Granted, if you actually did like the gift, then don’t make up crap about it. In these cases, honesty is allowed. They are also acceptable if there’s a letter attached, a little bit of real sentiment. But other than that, PLEASE don’t waste the paper and 43 cents, if only to save the earth.

Moving right along, why do I hate them? I was conditioned to hate them from a young age. As soon as I could write, my mother made me write the little nasties to EVERYONE. Not just for that nice story book from Grandma, but for the five dollars from that obscure aunt the six year old me had never even met. It continued on for over ten years, to where I am today. I am still forced to write the damn things. The worst part is when I get one. “See?! Doesn’t it make you feel good that someone thought to do that?”

No, not really. It makes me think of what misery they were probably put through for it. It makes me think of the tree that died for it.
It’s just not a good thing.

Save my sanity, skip the thank you note.

Thoughts for the New Year

Congrats everyone on surviving 365 more days of your life! Even moreso, Congrats on surviving this whole decade! Wow, that was a long time ago o.o

So I guess I’m obligated to make a few New Year’s Resolutions for myself and the blog. You’re not supposed to actually, keep these though, are you?

1. Post weekly.
2. Do not buy graphic tees. Just resist the urge.
3. Get into Vanderbilt. College apps this year. I’m terrified.

Anyway, Happy New Year from Frei For All!

Everything

A fictional poetic short story I dug out of a notebook from a year or two ago.

The fragile world came tumbling down
Coming down around her
all the perfection
all of it meant nothing
All she thought was everything
Had finally flown away
When her little world was gone
What did she have left?
Her idea of perfection was gone
She shaped her life around it
the goal that flew higher and higher
farther out of reach
Until it was gone
Having nothing was everything
No astronomical expectations
She began to find herself
she found herself when everything was gone
She let herself be free
Nothing turned to joy
Nothing turned to life
She didn’t want to win
She didn’t even try
She wanted to lose
She wanted to be wrong
She was within her all along the way
She began to love her life
She took time to remember every moment
she became the person others wanted to be
and with

He didn’t se her before
He saw her lost in attaining impossible
He was the first to see her change
He thought he knew her before
There wasn’t much to know
but there was so much more
Than he could have even imagined
He became intrgues
He met a new girl
One he wanted to be around
and with

She saw him too
She would have never seen him before
But she discovered herself
She couldn’t lie to herself
She liked him
And he her
they found each other
Because sometimes in losing Everything
We find more than Everything
Was ever worth

I really like this one.

Grab your guitar and gather ’round the campfire… or fireplace at this time of year. It’s time for another song.

This one has some E-G#m7-A-B action going on.

I remember how your face was a smile when mine was a frown
I remember all my bad times and you turned them around
Every time I saw you was like a piece of heaven
And every perfect thing you did was sunshine in the rain

CHORUS
But there was never an “us” and there never will be
Doesn’t matter what we were supposed to be
All I want to remember now Is when there was you and me

You whispered in my ear and held on to me tight
God give me back the days when everything was right
You told me everything about you, how I turned your life around
I’m the one who set you free melted all the clouds
I remember sitting with you and staring at the moon
and you said that you’re in love with everything I do

But there was never an us and there never will be
Doesn’t matter what we were supposed to be
All I want to remember
All I can remember
There was never an us and there never will be
Doesn’t matter what We were supposed to be
All I want to remember now
Is when there was you and me

You and me
Here we are
There we were
Now here I am

*cough choke die*

Looks like I’m sick again! I was helping out with some little kid crafts for service hours last night, and it went something like this:

Kid: “-sneeze-”
Kid’s parental: “Son, cover your mouth!”
Frei: “-twitches after feeling kiddie snot splatter on her arms/face-”

So I guess my sickness isn’t all that surprising. And it seems my brain function is failing so I’ll provide you intellectuals with some adorable pictures of fuzzy little animals.

 

 

Creeping….
I’m rather feeling stalkerish right now, not cool.
Is it bad to friend request someone you’ve just met?
I’m rather feeling like such a fool.
But I did it; so now I can’t forget.

Thinking….
Look, I apologize if I’ve creeped you out.
Just hit ignore and I’ll go on with my life
Or be nice and accept to relieve my doubt.
Was I melodramatic? Or do you really think I’m nice?

Waiting…
Okay so what I cracked a note
And you laughed at me.
I get the feeling you have my friends’ vote.
Do I have yours? I guess I’ll wait and see.

Better Than This

Yes that’s right, it’s time for another song.

I’m taking a chance on freedom
And I’m trying to let go
I tired of all your reasons
And I’m sick of all your lies

So I’m trying to find a reason
Why I let you treat me this way
Because I’m better than this
Oh I am better than this

Oooh Oooh Oh Oh

You told me you are perfect
Now it’s perfectly clear
There ain’t no such thing as perfection
I’ve got news for you, dear

Don’t try to apologize
Because I’m sick of your “sorries”
They’re worth as much as you are
Which ain’t nothing much at all

So I’m trying to find a reason
Why I let you get the best of me
Because I’m better than this
Oh I am better than this

Oooh Ooh oh oh

They say that love is blind
Because it gouged out both my eyes
I couldn’t see through your facade
I couldn’t tell everything was wrong

Now I’m taking a stand
I’m making my demands
You’re doing this my way
And my way is you on the highway

There’s no logical reason
Why I let let you trample on me
Because I’m better than this
I am better than this

I am better than this
I am better than this

Life in a Bubble Sans Life.

I live in a sheltered bubble. No drugs, no alcohol, no rowdy boys.  I can’t say I chose this life, more like it engulfed me. Like an amoeba. A cultural amoeba.  12 years of Catholic schooling. I’ve been to one public school party in my lifetime. It was the best damn four hours of my life.  By a public school party, I mean they actually had to worry about keeping the bedrooms blocked off.  A couple kids were nearly arrested earlier in the day for shop lifting.  However there were no drugs in the open- just a lot of punch made with Vault.  I hate the crap but drank it anyway.  I don’t do well on caffeine.

Anywho, there’s a stark contrast between a party in my bubble and an actual party.  I make a list.

Party in da Bubble

  • The Dancing: Leave space for Jesus!  At least a foot apart during dance songs. Slow songs? Oh yeah, they banned them at our school dances.
  • The Occasion: Most almost always birthdays.  Maybe one or two thrown in for fun or a family event.
  • The Food:  Sandwiches, cake, oh yes, my main reason for going: Sushi.
  • The People: A group of close mutual friends.  The only couples present exist within the circle.  And the party is by invite only.
  • PDA scale: (One: Zero Contact. Ten: Get a room.) One. Two at the rowdier ones.

Actual Party:

  • The Dancing: An assortment of grinding, mobs, and rubbing.
  • The Occasion: Sometimes a birthday. Mostly just because you can.
  • The Food: I don’t suggest eating those “special brownies” that Jim brought.
  • The People: Society’s finest and worst. The best occasion to meet people is an Actual Party.
  • PDA Scale: Anywhere from 8-12.

In other words, I feel like I’m missing out on corrupted society.  I can’t wait for college.

-Press play on “I Love College”-

Okay, maybe not THAT corrupted, maybe a 6 on the PDA scale.

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